Stories: Just Be Yourself

A lot of us change ourselves because of certain people's critiques and comments. A change caused by other's opinion. Then, there's a bunch of famous saying like "don't care about what other's think"... "those who matter don't mind, those who mind don't matter"... and "just be yourself".

In a lot of ways, nothing is entirely 100% applicable. If you're a jerk, change. Don't be yourself. Be better. Be kind. Nobody likes jerk. But hey, that's up to you. Not gonna judge about that.

Recently, I've been going through some rough times. I have troubled my friends a lot with my problems. I can feel that they are distressed. My inability to manage my emotions well has worried them. It was then, I know I need to move on. I can't weigh them down. I know friends are supposed to be there when you need them. But, that doesn't mean I can keep on dragging them down. It's exhausting.

There are a lot of things not under our control. Sometimes, things happen. Really bad things. Things that take a part of your soul away and left a void. I have reached enough friends. Telling them about the problem and they've filled me in with the support that they can provide. I am grateful for that. Grateful that there are friends willing to be there when I needed them. The void is still there but it's less intense.

My problem was caused by my inability to be myself. I am awkward. Overthink a lot. The past, the future. I can feel restrains on me. Chaining me down. Sometimes, there are things I want to say but I couldn't. I hold it back because of other thought-generated concerns. It held me back. I am suffocating because of that. It wasn't good. And the result of that is what caused this void.

So, how to be yourself? Get rid of awkwardness. Awkwardness is the heaviest chain on me. The reason for that is probably because I couldn't connect to others well. So, I want to change. Connect. Connect. Connect. There are a lot of people around me. Seek that connection.

When I have this desire to connect to other people, my mind automatically finds a way to do that. Awkwardness happens because I don't have a desire to connect. I am just waiting for a stimuli and respond to it. Wanting a connection is the exact opposite. It's the capturing of tiny details and use it to make a proper connection even if it's with a stranger.

Be yourself. You can only truly be that when you get rid of the awkwardness within. And when that happens, you will be comfortable with yourself.


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