Stories: Emotional Bandaid

When you're wounded, a bandaid could help. That goes the same when it comes with emotional pain. But, that requires a different approach. I've experienced enough pain and most of them come from the expectation generated by my mind. So far, I can say the less you expect, the happier you'll be. Just focus on living the reality and dwell less in the "what if".

Anyways, there are times where it is impossible to avoid stumbling onto occurrences that would bring your happiness level down. That's where emotional bandaid comes into play. It's something that I created to help me get through those hard times.

When I lost a huge part of me, it created a void. It was a pain that I could not withstand. Everyday, I felt like I'm dying. I figured that I probably won't live long with the pain that I'm going through. It sucked big time.

I sought the attention of friends and old friends. I initiated conversation with lots of people from my past as well as new people. Interacting with others help to distract me. For the first time, I called a friend that I've never talked to before. We're online friends by the way. If it's the normal me, I would feel the awkwardness that would forbid me from doing that in the first place. But, at that time, all I could feel was just pain. So I called. We had a long chat. I think I annoyed that friend.

The mind has become dangerous. When I remain idle, unhappy thoughts flood the brain. I couldn't let it consume me. I need to distract my mind with something. When I try to fall asleep, I would listen to some songs. Focusing on the lyrics until I am tired enough to fall asleep.

I also listen to motivational talks. Trying to shift my focus on improving myself. Sometimes, I stumbled upon motivational quotes online. I screenshot some of them. Reading them helps. I even set one favorite quote of mine as wallpaper.

"Believe that everything has a timing", until then, focus on being the best version of yourself. Eat well, take care of personal hygiene. Get that stylish clothing that you always wanted. Look good for yourself.

I also find a lot of distractions. Mostly, watching movies and anime. I immerse my mind into the story and that helps to quiet my mind. I have been doing that for about a month. I abandoned my comic-drawing temporarily because it felt like a chore and I'm not in the mood to create the usual funny comics.

One of the motivational Youtube video that I watched mentioned something about self-affirmation and visualization. Tell something good that will happen and visualize it. That would wire our subconscious to make things happen the way we want it to be.

With that, I try to look forward tomorrow with hope. Something nice that would happen. I anticipated it. Even if it didn't happen tomorrow, it still might happen the next day. I open up and keep noticing for opportunities.

"What is meant to be, will be". I've recently get to know about a news on the breakup of a friend of mine with a partner that has been together for a very long time. If they're really meant to be together, they would be together. Right? Or is it a play of fate and destiny? I would never know. Those are insignificant at this moment. Because right now, I just want to focus on being myself.

Back in uni times, I joined the volleyball team because it's the only sport that is nearest to my hostel. I don't need to travel far. It's just a stone's throw away like literally. I just need to peek through my window curtains to see the volleyball court. But, here's a catch. I don't know anyone there. My introversion don't do much help. Most of the people there already know each other as they're coursemates. It felt like I'm the only stranger there. 

I played but I didn't communicate. I feel like I'm suffocating inside. I couldn't connect with them. You know the term "just be yourself"? I couldn't be myself yet that time. I need to break this awkwardness barrier inside of me. Only then, the true me will be revealed. That's the ultimate form for my unchained soul I guess. To be able to freely express myself without the chain of restrain of awkwardness.

Time heals all wounds. That's quite true in a way. The brain processes the tragedy and eventually, we start to accept what had happened whether we like it or not. It left a scar but we grow. We learn and evolve. Almost two months since the incident now. I can feel that I am getting better. Through this, I learn the things that I enjoy because only in doing those that I enjoy I would truly be in the zone and keep my mind in check.

Going out with close friends help a lot. Because, I can be free and comfortable with them. There's not much sense of awkward moments. Everything is just nice. Contacting old friends help too. I actually talked to a nice friend. That friend bought me a book that might help me. I offered to pay back but nah. That friend insist that it's gonna be a gift. A gift worth sharing. I guess I am obliged to finish it.

At the same time, I am also constructing a list. A list of happy song. There's bout 10 in the list, but I'll continue to expand the list. I need it. There's one particular song that I listen to when I am in the dark. A song from Boku no Hero Academia, You Say Run. It hikes up my fighting spirit.

Anyway, I made a list called "support system" that is split into 3 categories: food, friends and activities. Food consist of consumables that will make me feel good when I eat them. Friends are those that I can interact and hang out with. Activities are those things that I can do that will make me feel good as well.

Here's what I've  listed so far:

  • buffet
  • soup
  • chocolate
  • anything I want & within budget at the momoent
  • melon ice cream
  • make a treat
  • white fungus soup
  • bro
  • chocomob
  • online friends
  • colleague
  • old friends
  • self-affirmation
  • belief
  • everything has a timing
  • badminton smash (I don't play but I think smashing will feel good) 
  • bowling strike
  • "hope for the better"
  • language pickup
  • comicfy stuffs
  • videography on next trip
  • cooking (something nice)
  • running
  • plan a trip
  • watch favorite Youtube channel
  • make happy song list
  • list best comfort foods
These are what I have for now. It's enough to keep my mind occupied... I guess. Till next time, take care. List down what works for you because only you will know that.


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